The Closest Call

Posted by special_child at 02:05 AM on December 11, 2005 as a favorite post.

How close can this get?!



After all this time... after some close calls... this is the closest it got. Never in my college stay was there a written 0.0 in my course card, not until now.

This story starts last Wednesday, when it was the final day of recitation for everyone. Our professor blurted out the statements "This is the last day of recitation. If you feel that you might fail this subject, then you better recite." I was not able to.

I was worrying about the main things this course required: my recitation and my paper. These two are the only requirements of the course, 50/50. And these two (let me revise that to speaking and writing) are included in the things I am best at. But it failed me to achieve an easy 4.0 and nonetheless pushed me to the brink of having to think of where I should get the money to reenroll myself in this course.

Friday morning I arrived at school. I was running towards the EA office to leave my bag when my blockmate Francis called me and said, "Asan ka? Akyat ka dito bilis! Bagsak ka!" I just uttered a rushed "Huh?", dropped my bag, ended the call, and ran as fast as I could to the fourth floor, where the class is held. I arrived there while Pranz was reciting. It turns out that there was an additional recitation for the ones who got a 0.0, and that is what changed my grade.

After I recited, the professor mentioned, "Since your answers were vague (his question was something to do with what I learned in COMPETH - which was not much, considering that most topics it encompassed were common knowledge, if not, so easy to understand it shouldn't be discussed in detail, to people), I'm giving you 8 points."

His next lines gave me a sigh of relief. He added, "And that's exactly what you need."

So there goes my stupid day yesterday, rescued by a fun Friday night (I greeted Chase and Turo, saw Mito and company, and had fun with my Green & White colleagues). Hmmm... moral lesson? I'd say do not take courses for granted. Even though the course sounds easy, sloth can still take a big chunk of your time.

I would like to say I hate those people who recited and recited and recited their way to a 4.0, but I hate it even more to realize that being pabi aside, they were just maximizing what an offer can give. It's kinda like taking ten refills of bottomless iced tea (or seven rounds of bottomless chips, like what we had yesterday).

What makes it harder to hate is that the professor zeroed my paper. Yes. If it were not for that, I wouldn't have needed to recite to save my grade. Darn. He zeroed me for lacking resources! Can't he believe that only the resources I listed were the ones I needed? Tsk tsk tsk.


Blogger's Note: This is too close of a call to make a Top Ten list.


Hay nako. When will I change?


Marvin the Martian™, jaz thinking aloud


P.S. Christmas is near! I need to burn my CD's already! And congratulations to Nene for winning! She deserves it!

Currently enjoying "Promise Me", performed by Beverley Craven.
Currently deciphering some text messages.
Currently checking "Pinoy Big Brother: The Big Night", shown on ABS-CBN.

Drink Promil®!

The Closest Call

Posted by special_child at 02:06 AM on December 11, 2005 as a favorite post.

How close can this get?!



After all this time... after some close calls... this is the closest it got. Never in my college stay was there a written 0.0 in my course card, not until now.

This story starts last Wednesday, when it was the final day of recitation for everyone. Our professor blurted out the statements "This is the last day of recitation. If you feel that you might fail this subject, then you better recite." I was not able to.

I was worrying about the main things this course required: my recitation and my paper. These two are the only requirements of the course, 50/50. And these two (let me revise that to speaking and writing) are included in the things I am best at. But it failed me to achieve an easy 4.0 and nonetheless pushed me to the brink of having to think of where I should get the money to reenroll myself in this course.

Friday morning I arrived at school. I was running towards the EA office to leave my bag when my blockmate Francis called me and said, "Asan ka? Akyat ka dito bilis! Bagsak ka!" I just uttered a rushed "Huh?", dropped my bag, ended the call, and ran as fast as I could to the fourth floor, where the class is held. I arrived there while Pranz was reciting. It turns out that there was an additional recitation for the ones who got a 0.0, and that is what changed my grade.

After I recited, the professor mentioned, "Since your answers were vague (his question was something to do with what I learned in COMPETH - which was not much, considering that most topics it encompassed were common knowledge, if not, so easy to understand it shouldn't be discussed in detail, to people), I'm giving you 8 points."

His next lines gave me a sigh of relief. He added, "And that's exactly what you need."

So there goes my stupid day yesterday, rescued by a fun Friday night (I greeted Chase and Turo, saw Mito and company, and had fun with my Green & White colleagues). Hmmm... moral lesson? I'd say do not take courses for granted. Even though the course sounds easy, sloth can still take a big chunk of your time.

I would like to say I hate those people who recited and recited and recited their way to a 4.0, but I hate it even more to realize that being pabi aside, they were just maximizing what an offer can give. It's kinda like taking ten refills of bottomless iced tea (or seven rounds of bottomless chips, like what we had yesterday).

What makes it harder to hate is that the professor zeroed my paper. Yes. If it were not for that, I wouldn't have needed to recite to save my grade. Darn. He zeroed me for lacking resources! Can't he believe that only the resources I listed were the ones I needed? Tsk tsk tsk.


Blogger's Note: This is too close of a call to make a Top Ten list.


Hay nako. When will I change?


Marvin the Martian™, jaz thinking aloud


P.S. Christmas is near! I need to burn my CD's already! And congratulations to Nene for winning! She deserves it!

Currently enjoying "Promise Me", performed by Beverley Craven.
Currently deciphering some text messages.
Currently checking "Pinoy Big Brother: The Big Night", shown on ABS-CBN.
Currently feeling relieved.

9 kid/s drank Promil®

December Blues

Posted by special_child at 03:33 AM on December 18, 2005 as a favorite post.

Yes... it was a week of no updates, so expect this to be long.

First, I want to present you the newest member of our household. Meet Bear.



When we were doing some gift shopping last Sunday, I was ecstatic to see that this was offered at a very low price! So I bought one! Hahaha. This was meant to be given as well, but who could turn down such a cutie? It was very funny how I managed to get the white one with a red scarf, since the only ones left are brown bears with red scarves and white bears with green scarves. I forced them to get this combination, and yeah I AM HAPPY.

Tuesday saw more happiness as I got my Christmas money from the credit cooperative I joined. Whew! My money got me a big interest, and I am planning to upgrade my PC with it. Help you guys. Especially Mito.

Wednesday and Friday gave me three exams, but what the heck. After finishing those, plus a demo that went well, partying mood was in me. But was it, really?

After thinking it through, I feel like everytime Christmas is near I start to feel woozy again. It makes me ponder on a lot of things, most especially why I still am or choose to be (either way, it ends the same) part of SMC. I still think about acads and thesis, sure, but it also gives me the same feeling of sadness, if not worse. Guilt still comes in. Thinking about being senti makes me not that guilty, on the other hand.

Year after year it has been the same. I really don't blame anyone but myself, since I am not that assertive a person. Or maybe I'm just stuck with the past. Maybe I'm just like Juan Tamad, lying around waiting for some fruit to drop at my head. Or better yet, I'm just like the biggest loser trying to make connections but not pursuing it.

Having reviewed my December entries last year almost says it all. Everything that has to do with my sentiments and my joys, down to my worries and ecstatic moments, are there. It just made me feel bluer than blue (please, not another senti song) going over it. And with that, I'm sharing one Top Ten list I made before, with a minor change.


Top Ten Christmas Songs (as of December 2005)

10. "Jingle Bell Calypso" (UP Madz version)
9. "Starbright" (Jim Brickman in piano and Kenny Loggins in vocals)
8. "Sleigh Ride" (Karen Carpenter version, or any chorale version)
7. "Heto Na Naman" (originally from Ryan Cayabyab, prefers the "Marvs and Chewy and the rest of S14 version"... yesah!)
6. "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" (Brenda Lee's original)
5. "Merry Christmas, Darling" (Karen Carpenter still)
4. "Jingle Bell Rock" (Nat King Cole? But that a cappella version of Lindsay Lohan in "Mean Girls" was oh SO good)
3. "Miss Kita Kung Christmas" (which I forever sang back in HS, I think up until March or June the next year hahahaha... many have gotten irritated already )
2. "O Holy Night" (IV-Lawrence version, and I was in Tenor hehe)

-and... (drum roll please)-

1. "Simbanggabi" (by Maestro Lucio San Pedro; so good I still know the SATB parts... all of them. IV-Lawrence just didn't go for the 6 voices version, so we just settled for third.)


Christmas calls for festivities and fun, not wallowing in sentiments. So just go have yourselves a very merry Christmas (yeah I'd give you my own rendition if you wish)!


Marvin the Martian™, jaz thinking aloud


P.S. I was right in assuming that the HS Christmas party with my friends is annual. It was too bad they scheduled it a few hours ago. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to attend.

Currently enjoying "A Kiss To Build A Dream On", performed by Louis Armstrong.
Currently deciphering a list of what I wore for the past months.
Currently checking Christmas lights flickering.
Currently feeling blue-hoo-hoo.

4 kid/s drank Promil®

Rush

Posted by special_child at 04:02 AM on December 23, 2005.

I don't want to disprove Karen Carpenter, but as of the moment the Christmas rush isn't over.

Before anything else, I'd share some updates. The G&W Christmas Party was held last Monday, and we had special guest Uma with us (yes, Lorraine was SO happy; will share pics when I or someone can upload). It was fun, considering that there were only a few people out of the massive number of staff G&W has. Tuesday gave us course cards; I am pretty happy with the results, save that "closest call" which ultimately led me not to expect a DL certificate this term. Wednesday was help day for my mom. Thursday was shopping day, and I finally bought myself some goodies (enough of my godchildren hehe). I even won in Timezone and I took home a pack of stuffed toys!

For that fun-filled paragraph comes a whole load of missed things and stuff I'd like to relinquish. I'll share them one by one.

Parties and soirees like last Monday's are very good venues for stress relief and catching up. Well... we can't really attend all the parties or organize a party whenever we want to. This year, I missed going to two of the annual (correct me if I'm wrong) parties of my high school friends. Moreover, there wasn't any block party for this term yet again. There are also a surprise party I wasn't able to go to, and a surprise party which was really a surprise (go figure).

I am not a partyholic, mind you. As to why I'm ranting about not attending these parties, it's because I miss the company of my good old friends. These are the people I have been with for ages, and it has been a very long time since I have chatted with them. I hope that sometime in the future we all could reunite for a nice get-together of some sort. Or else I will be forced to wait another year. Tsk tsk tsk.

Course card day always gives me the feeling of unease. There was never a time that I was sure I had no failures. There are a lot of grades that I get which I never truly deserve (this term, almost all), and I have no idea how to get past the guilt.

There was a time when doing chores for me was natural - those times when I wasn't repeatedly reminded to do my chores. And there were times that I could care less about my having nothing for Christmas. Yes, as we grow older, things seem to bring a lot of problems. And that's exactly how it is for me. I continue to blog about these things, hoping to find an answer, or maybe just a stop. I need to suppress some of these things. But I can't.

At least I have outlets for these negative energy. This entry. Timezone. Reading. Sleep. The Internet. But it's just partial. Yes, you can't escape life. But one thing's for sure.  It ain't over till it's over.


Blogger's Note: There is no list for today. But do check this out. This entry is the predecessor of what's written above, so as to paint a clearer picture of why I'm still unhappy as Christmas draws near.


I have to wait until Christmas Day. I am wishing for more happiness during that day.


Marvin the Martian™, jaz thinking aloud


P.S. My uncle wants me to go back to the States. Like it's that easy.

Currently enjoying "Ano'ng Gagawin Mo Ngayong Pasko", performed by Ryan Cayabyab.
Currently deciphering e-mail.
Currently checking my cellphone's screen saver.
Currently feeling partially happy.

1 kid/s drank Promil®

Post-Christmas Blues

Posted by special_child at 03:27 AM on December 27, 2005 as a favorite post.

One of only a few things happy in this post is my greeting to everyone of a belated happy Christmas and an advanced prosperous new year!

But so much for the Christmas celebrations. Yes, I did feel the real reason behind the season. Sometimes, however, there are a lot of things you just don't expect to come your way. What's worse is that they actually (almost) coincide with one of the greatest holidays the world has ever known.

So as to unfold my drama and to cut the slack short, I will incorporate it all in this entry's Top Ten List.


Top Ten Reasons Why I Think This Year's Christmas Celebrations Are The Saddest In My Entire Life (so far)

10. Yes, I have money. Yes, I have bought to my heart's content or discontent. I bought two lavish shirts, as if I don't have enough; I loaded big amounts to my Timezone card on both Glorietta and Greenbelt branches; I even got some stuffed toys from Stacker at Timezone Glorietta. Yet the feeling of guilt (and discontent, for that matter) chills down my spine, lessening my excitement for these.

9. In relation to number 10, I found this list. It's the Forbes Fictional 15, and how I sometimes wish my assets were somehow like this. Talk about understanding the real reason for the season. But don't worry, I WILL give to charity once I'm super duper rich. No fiction there.

8. I think too much these days. Forcibly. As to what I'm thinking, I'm pretty sure you have an idea.

7. This Christmas (someone has to agree with me on this one) is one of the coldest Christmases we have had. It's really cold outside, a surprising chill here in Manila. Even my rich friend (gee, I stereotyped Luigi) didn't use his room AC after several years just because it was cold outside.

6. There is nothing wrong with celebrating Christmas with only my mother. But this year I already got tired of it. Our closest relatives did not come to our home to celebrate (that includes my grandfather and my mom's cousin), and my uncle and aunt are still abroad.

5. In addition to the previous number, we weren't able to go to Bulacan this Christmas day. Details later. I'm saddened by this because it serves as a get-together of all our relatives from my grandfather's side, and we missed it.

4. Christmas songs and other sad songs made me even more sentimental. This particular song I have got to share with you guys. I had fun listening to it, appreciating the lyrics of the song by the second. The part not italicized was said/rapped. And that's the most striking part for me.

Lagi Mo Na Lang Akong Dinededma
performed by Rocksteddy

Matagal ko nang gustong malaman mo
Matagal ko nang itinatago-tago 'to
Nahihiyang magsalita at umuurong aking dila
Pwede bang bukas na, ipagpaliban muna natin 'to

Dahil kumukuha lang ng tyempo
Upang sabihin sa iyo

Mahal kita pero 'di mo lang alam
Mahal kita pero 'di mo lang ramdam
Mahal kita kahit 'di mo na ako tinitignan
Mahal kita kahit 'di mo lang alam, oh woh

Matagal ko nang gustong sabihin 'to
Matagal ko nang gustong aminin sa 'yo
Sandali, eto na at sasabihin ko na nga
Ngayon na, mamaya o baka pwedeng bukas na

Dahil kumukuha lang ng buwelo
Upang sabihin sa iyo

Mahal kita pero 'di mo lang alam
Mahal kita pero 'di mo lang ramdam
Mahal kita kahit 'di mo na ako tinitignan
Mahal kita pero 'di mo lang alam, oh woh

Ngunit kumukuha lang ng tyempo
Upang sabihin sa iyo, woh

Mahal kita pero hindi mo lang alam
Hindi mo alam kasi hindi mo naman ako tinitignan
Ayaw mo naman itanong sa 'kin kasi baka nga naman hindi naman ikaw
At hindi ko rin naman sa 'yo sasabihin kasi ayoko pa sa ngayon na manligaw
Mahal kita pero hindi nga lang halata
Hindi halata kasi wala nga naman akong ginagawa
Hindi ako kumikibo, hindi ako nagsasalita, wala
Pero hindi ako torpe
Hindi ko lang talaga masabi sa 'yo nang harapan
Mahal kita pero dehins mo pa rin ramdam
Hindi mo ko titignan, hindi rin kita titignan
Lagi mo lang akong pakikiramdaman, lagi rin kitang pakikiramdaman
At araw-araw tayong magdededmahan hanggang sa tayo ay magkabistuhan
Pero ngayong malapit nang matapos ang kanta ko, nais kong magkaalamanan na
Nais kong ako na rin ang magsabi sa 'yo nang harapan
Kasi alam kong do'n din naman ang tuloy niyan
At dalawa din lang naman ang posibleng sagot d'yan: oo o hindi
Kaya't eto na, sasabihin ko na para matapos na at hindi na magka-chismisan pa
Sasabihin ko na para wala nang problema at para hindi na rin kayong lahat nabibitin pa

Mahal kita pero 'di mo lang alam
Mahal kita pero 'di mo lang ramdam
Mahal kita kahit 'di mo na ako tinitignan
Mahal kita kahit lagi mo na lang akong dinededma

3. I missed my best friend. I had only a few minutes to talk to her through the phone, and I missed vital information about her I should have known before. Though I should feel happy (and a bit sad) for her, what really shocked me is the info she got. She asks of me to move on. But why at this time? She has been circling my mind for almost six years, and now she asks me to let go?

Currently enjoying "Ang Aking Pamasko", performed by Ryan Cayabyab.
Currently deciphering The Forbes Fictional 15 list.
Currently checking nothing (wee hours of the morning without cable).
Currently feeling shocked and saddened.

6 kid/s drank Promil®

A Mother's Tears

Posted by special_child at 02:01 PM on December 31, 2005 as a favorite post.

While almost everyone was busy merry-making and having fun, there I was staring at a lifeless body.

It had been five days since Kuya Alex died and twenty-four hours since he was buried. I kept myself awake for twenty-seven hours and slept for a couple of hours. A hundred people attended the wake and burial. Five flower offerings came from the police force. A seven-gunfire salute ended the burial. One Philippine flag was carefully folded and handed over to the weeping matriarch. Another fifty people or so ate afterwards. Then, one by one, they left... some eager to start their new year celebrations, others still shocked with what happened, everyone reminded of how easily life can be taken away.

It's not unlikely that people celebrate life with death, most especially when it happens in the middle of two great celebrations, both of which celebrate life. The wake seemed like a family reunion, where everyone got to see each other again. Some were even drunk a few hours before the mass.

But solemnity reached the people when it was time to let go. They say that there are two times where sorrow is greatest: when you learn of their death, and when it's time to bury the dead. And emotions actually pour during these days more than the wake or anytime else.

I remember the priest say in his sermon that death is just like picking flowers. He went on to tell the story of a caretaker who carefully tended to flowers only to find out the next morning that they have been picked. But he had no choice, because the owner of the garden is the one who picked them. Connect the dots and you'll get the story's meaning.

There are a lot of things I recall seven years ago, when my beloved grandmother and mentor passed away. I remember crying when she died and when she was buried, but I cried most when I couldn't control it anymore at school, right down someone's shoulder. You know who you are, and I give you my utmost thanks for your consoling.

I have to admit I was not that close with my mom's cousin. I had been a bearer (ring, coin, or Bible, I can't remember) during his wedding, and basically that's the closest I got. There were no tears needed from me. But when I saw my grandfather's sister, Kuya Alex's mother, weeping very hard, despite the fact that an hour ago she was busy arranging food for the guests, my eyes started to become watery. There was nothing more moving that time than to see a mother's tears.

With "Panunumpa" playing from the Mercedes Benz carrying Kuya Alex's casket, we started the drive towards Manila Memorial Park in Bulacan. As we saw the body for the last time, I saw his children with blank faces, his second wife drying her eyes, and his mother still gushing tears. Will my mother take it if I suddenly die? If it ever happens, I hope she can move on with life, just like other people who can and who will.

While I was drying my eyes as well, I saw his first-born standing. Kuya Alex's siblings took the time to look for his first-born, inform him of his death, and invite him over for the wake and burial. And then I thought to myself, will my father remember me in his deathbed? Will his family care to look for me, if he does remember me? And will I shed a tear not because of my deep affection for other people weeping, but because of my own sympathy for him?


Blogger's Note: No Top Ten List for this time. Lots of thoughts, but no list.


When I die, I want people to release all their spite in their eulogies. I don't want any bad feelings to surface anywhere else. Death gives us a new value for life, and this is the first step to move on.


Marvin the Martian™, jaz thinking aloud


P.S. Remember our national hero, Dr. Jose Rizal.

Currently enjoying the silent night, twenty-four hours before it erupts with noise.
Currently deciphering "One Hundred Years Of Solitude", by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
Currently checking "Insider", shown on ABS-CBN.
Currently feeling sympathetic.

4 kid/s drank Promil®